Rage Against the Machine
Working in tech, I've had several experiences of burnout. I was depressed, disillusioned, exhausted, and... angry. I'm not normally an angry person, but those moments really pushed something in me that just made me mad. Anger is a powerful emotion—it’s usually trying to tell us something important about ourselves. Perhaps pointing to a value or belief that’s being violated, or to something that needs attention.
While in the depths of my burnout, I remember telling close friends that I was tired of fighting "The Machine". Tired of being asked to use my brain, while being forced to ignore my heart. Tired of having to choose between what felt right to me and what I saw being rewarded around me. Tired of pouring energy into others' cups while feeling like nothing was coming back into mine.
The strange, ironic thing is that the "Machine" is actually made of people too. What is it that turns a bunch of presumably well-meaning humans into something that feels so... inhumane? When we see organizations create unsafe environments, implement draconian processes, ignore people’s contributions and growth, or layoff brilliant and capable employees, is it really just a phenomenon of scale, with large enough organizations? Is it the nature of business and capitalism? Is it something about working with technology? Is it something in the air in Silicon Valley?
I don't know the answer, and I am drawn to keep wondering and exploring. More than wondering about the Machine though, I am drawn to helping others like me who feel trapped with their Big Hearts inside of a Big Machine. What would it be like to escape the Machine? What’s possible from there, and what parts of you would you be able to embrace? What paths would you need to take to make your escape? Or Is it possible to escape the Machine while staying in the same job or environment? What would have to change in you or your surroundings?
If any of this resonates, I would love to talk with you. You are far from alone. And even though it can make you vulnerable sometimes, your Big Heart makes you amazing. Together, we'll find your escape from the Machine.